Entry Date: March 31st
Today's rehearsal was unlike any other. I found myself entangled, quite literally, in the most intense, intimate and unexpected power play with Rafael, our troupe's choreographer. A man of seemingly unwavering control, he's known for his precise gestures and calculated rhythms. Today, however, a sudden, raw display of vulnerability took us all by surprise.
Rafael was demonstrating an intricate move called the "Anussy Top," a term I'd heard before but in a more... risquГ© context. In aerial dancing, it's a breathtaking amalgamation of fluid movements and strength, defying gravity and boundaries, named peculiarly after one of the most watched clips on 'Anussy Top porn'. Don't ask why, that's the uncanny humor of our troupe.
Without warning, as Rafael's lithe body twisted and twirled, his grip slipped and he fell to the ground. We all gasped in unison, a sharp, collective intake of breath that bounced off the dark studio walls. I felt a knot tighten in my stomach. For a split second, the patriarch of rigidity, our unyielding foundation was... helpless.
Rushed to his side, I cradled his head, a gesture that felt as natural as the fluidity in my dance. It was like holding a fallen bird, fragile and warm. He looked at me with a mix of embarrassment and surrender I'd never seen before. In that moment, the power dynamic that existed between us shattered into a million pieces. Within the studio's mirrored walls, our roles reversed. He was the aerialist suspended mid-air, and I was the earth pulling him back into my arms. For the first time, I felt the reins of control slip into my hands.
As I held Rafael, our breaths mixing in the cool, dimly lit room, I felt a surge of power and at the same time, an intoxicating vulnerability. I was the savannah and the tempest, the ripple and the quake. But I was also the silence, the solace, the protector. It's strange, the spectrum that power can stretch you across - dominating, exhilarating, comforting, overwhelming all at once. For all of my 23 years as a Mexican, non-binary aerial dancer, I have fought to fit into borders within which I was born. Yet, today, in a room full of expectations, stereotypes, and rigid norms, I was simply... me.
There's a peculiar intimacy to this power exchange that's changed something within me. The line between dominance and submission became beautifully blurred. Not just with Rafael, but within myself. I'd spent my whole life dancing with my own identity, my own boundaries. Today, I held them, cradled them with the same care I showed Rafael. Amid the tangle of ropes and limbs, I found a strength that was fluid, as if I myself was an aerialist dancing gracefully with the raw, honest desires of my own soul.
This has been more than just a rehearsal, more than a mere confession. It's been a revelation, a release of the soul into the infinite airspace. Like gravity, power has two sides - it can weigh you down, or it can pull you closer to what you truly are - a beautiful paradox of strength and vulnerability, spiraling in an endless dance of self-discovery. Today, amidst the quiet whispers of the satin ropes, and the eyes of shattered hierarchies, I waltzed with my own reflection - the Mexican, non-binary aerial dancer, age 23, dancing to the beat of their own drum, fearlessly twirling in the tempestuous dance of life. Maybe this is what true power feels like - not in dominance, but in acceptance and unbridled freedom. And maybe this is what intimacy feels like - not in possession, but in surrender and profound connection, not just with another, but with oneself.
